Blame the Bacon
by Nigelcat1
Summary: Breakfast is the most dangerous part of Harry's day but today things go worse than usual. However, it turns out for the best.


BLAME THE BACON

J K Rowling owns all the rights to the books and the amazing characters she created. I write only to satisfy my imagination and use my creativity and make no money from my writings.

Harry Potter would be seven years old in a few weeks. Considering his life, it was a marvel that he had lived that long and often wondered if he would make it to the next year. Sometimes he wished he wouldn't as his life was a total hell.

He lived with his mother's sister, her husband and his brutish cousin Dudley. The only question his aunt had ever answered was that his parents were drunks and on drugs when his worthless father crashed his car killing him and his whore of a wife and leaving Harry alive but with a strange lightning-shaped scar on his forehead.

According to his Uncle Vernon, "Freak" (as Harry was called) should have died with them but somehow Freak had survived so his parents escaped from him by dying. For them it was totally worth it as they were finally rid of Freak (even if it meant them going to hell sooner rather than later). However, the normal, hard-working, God-fearing, noble, generous, kind, respectable Dursleys had been cursed into raising him (out of the goodness of their hearts) by the Government because his Aunt Petunia (and Dudley) were the only blood relatives Freak had. He had ruined their peaceful, perfect and happy existence and thus had to continually "earn his keep" to try and make it up to them.

However, nothing he did ever seemed to please them and he did a lot of chores every day. Sometimes his work was "acceptable" but never "good enough" to meet the Dursleys high standards. So he was punished with more chores, no food and at times, his uncle's fists and belt.

His cousin had a gang whose favorite game was Harry hunting, where they chased him and beat the stuffing out of him if they caught him. Dudley made sure that the Freak didn't have any friends and constantly blamed Harry for any "mischief" done by Dudley and his gang. Petunia trashed his name in the neighborhood, the Headmaster of the primary school was an old friend of Vernon so the teachers were warned to blame Harry for Dudley's escapades even if they personally witnessed Dudley in the act of terrorizing the other students or beating up Harry. Harry wasn't allowed to do better scholastically than his thick-as-a-brick cousin and would be beaten if he did. However, Harry had to do Dudley's homework and any school projects and thus was unable to do his own work while Dudley got credit for Harry's excellent work.

So Harry was over-worked (and never paid), starved, beaten, lied about, bullied and verbally abused in every way possible, but should be eternally grateful to the Dursleys who gave him a roof over his head (and the cupboard under the stairs for a bedroom), food – usually scraps if any were left, or stale and moldy things and/or withheld food as punishment. The clothing they so generously gifted him was his obese cousin's castoffs, which were not only 3-4 sizes too big for him, but also stained, torn and nearly rags.

In other words, the poor orphaned child's life was the pits and didn't show any promise of ever improving – unless he died and joined his parents in the fiery depths of hell which, in his opinion, would probably be better than living with the Dursleys.

It was a lovely summer day when Petunia banged on his cupboard door and screamed for him to "Get out of your bed you lazy, good-for-nothing, worthless burden and make breakfast and DON'T BURN THE BACON!"

Harry sighed but quickly dressed in his rags and emerged from his "bedroom" to start cooking the massive meal. Breakfast was the most dangerous time of the day for Harry, as just one itsy, bitsy mistake and there would be no food for him that day. It was a losing situation, especially the cooking of the bacon.

On today's menu, since it was a Saturday and Vernon had more leisure time to eat, Harry had to make to order a six egg omelet and thus needed to have ready chopped onions, mushrooms, green peppers, diced ham and two kinds of shredded cheese for Vernon and Dudley to choose. That would be the last thing made as the Dursley males liked everything hot.

Also, extra-large pancakes were ordered, which had to be buttered and have just the right amount of syrup on, at least 12 pieces of bread toasted, buttered and four kinds of jam at the ready for choosing which Harry had to put on the toast and hope to heaven he put just the right amount on. Then there was the fried bread, sprinkled with powdered sugar, baked beans, strong coffee for Vernon, a pitcher of Coke for Dudley and a pot of tea and a glass of orange juice for Petunia.

Last but the worse of all, one pound of bacon had to be cooked three different ways. Vernon liked his fatty, Petunia favored it cooked medium and Dudley liked it crispy –but not burnt. It reminded Harry of the Three Bears and their porridge. It then would be put on a serving platter with Vernon's on the left, Petunia's three to four pieces in the middle and Dudley's on the right. Anything left was _theoretically_ Harry's if any remained and _he deserved to have it_.

It was a good thing that Harry was very organized as between cooking, brewing and pouring the Coke in a glass pitcher (Petunia considered it vulgar to be served at a meal directly from the bottle), he had to set the table, put condiments in their special containers and wash some of the frying pans as Petunia didn't have enough for all of the things needed to be cooked for breakfast. While the Dursleys gobbled their breakfast once everything was served, Harry started doing the washing up but he had to be on alert to make more toast, coffee, pour more Coke and anything else the Dursleys desired.

Today Harry was lucky as Petunia personally fried the bread and dusted it with the sugar as only she could do it correctly to the satisfaction of her "boys" and she only wanted one egg and would butter her own toast and make her own tea.

Harry had everything ready when Vernon and Dudley thudded down the stairs and only had to ask what they wanted in their omelets as he poured Vernon's hot coffee and Dudley's Coke into a glass. Vernon grumbled that the Freak should know by now what was wanted and had a bit of everything Harry had cut and minced as did Dudley. However, at the last moment Dudley decided he wanted diced tomatoes in his omelet, which was something he never asked for but a meal could not pass by without getting Harry in trouble. Again Harry was lucky as there were some diced tomatoes left over from the salad Petunia had for dinner last night.

As far as Harry was concerned, breakfast was perfect. Despite doing the washing up, Harry was alert to when Vernon and/or Dudley needed a refill. Petunia ate one piece of toast while Vernon and Dudley finished the other 11 pieces. They also ate everything else except for the two pieces of bacon Petunia didn't eat and that was when the trouble started. Vernon and Dudley each grabbed a piece and therefore got to complain.

"This piece of bacon is too crispy" Vernon snarled while Dudley said "This piece of bacon isn't cooked enough." Then Vernon happily shouted "NO FOOD FOR YOU FREAK! You don't deserve any since you can't do ANYTHING correctly…." And he continued to rant while Harry cleared the table.

The Dursleys were going out for the day to treat their "excellent son" to a trip to an arcade, buy Dudley some new toys for passing the school year, have lunch at a pizzeria and depending on their mood, maybe have dinner out or bring home take-out. Vernon handed the Freak his list of chores shouting "You better get all of them done by the time we get home or ELSE!" "ELSE" would depend on Vernon's mood and if a good time was had by all (except for Harry).

However, as the Dursleys went out the front door, Harry glanced at the list and noticed that "Washing and waxing Vernon's car" was on the list BUT they were going to use Vernon's car for their day of pleasure so there was no way Harry could complete that chore as the car wouldn't be home until the Dursleys were. "I just can't win" the boy said out loud since the Dursleys had left. He went back to finish the last of the dishes and pans when he heard Vernon screaming and cursing at the top of his lungs.

The next thing he knew, Vernon was storming into the house screaming at the top of his lungs. "What the hell did you do and how did you do it FREAK" he shouted entering the kitchen. Harry just stood there wondering what he was going to be blamed for now. He grabbed the confused child by the throat and lifted him into the air and began shaking him. When Harry didn't say anything – since he couldn't because he was being choked as well as not knowing, as usual, of what he was being accused.

"Vernon, you are choking him so he can't answer and I think he is turning blue" Petunia stated. "You can't punish him if he dies" she said sagely.

So Vernon, instead of dropping the boy, grabbed him by his oversized clothes and dragged him over to the stove. He had heard Petunia telling the boy not to drain the pan the bacon had been fried in, but to let it hardened and then scoop it out into the grease pot so it could be used for frying potatoes and other things. Vernon sneered and put the pan on the stove and lit the flame up as high as it would go. He had other plans for the grease than frying potatoes.

"Now tell me why you did it?" he snarled at his nephew.

"I didn't do anything."

"You stole my car! How and why did you do it?" Vernon shouted (loud enough to wake the dead).

"No, I didn't – how would I do such a thing when I don't know how to drive and was locked in my cupboard all night" Harry whined but knew it would not do him any good. He heard the grease sputter and then saw the evil smile on his face and knew what Vernon was going to do to him.

"You have one more chance to tell me, you worthless piece of filth, you waste of space, you useless excuse for a person" Vernon yelled. He gave the Freak 10 seconds to answer the question that Vernon knew the Freak couldn't answer but _someone_ had taken his beautiful, expensive new car so it was an opportunity to punish the Freak, if only for Vernon to be a bit pacified for the loss of his car.

Since it was Saturday, many of the male neighbors were at home, mowing grass, trimming bushes, washing their cars, etc. Unbeknown to Petunia, who had left the door open for Dudley to follow her in, she didn't notice that her pride and joy hadn't entered but instead raced (as far as someone as obese as he was) away to his friend's Piers' house to find out where Vernon's car was.

Apparently, Piers' cousin Billy had come down to visit for a few days and in his own way, Billy had been very good to his cousin and his friends. He bought them cigarettes, porno magazines and even promised to bring them two six-packs of beer before he went home, but only if they did him one small favor.

"I met this bird at the Mall and want to take her out but she won't go with me unless I have a car. She is a very posh girl, goes to a private school, dresses very nicely and I'm surprised she even gave me the time of day. _Somehow, she got the impression_ that I have a very good car and will go out with me if I show up with the car I said I had. This is the chance of a lifetime and I really want to take her out for a nosh and drive around this stupid, little town to a dark, secluded place and snog her silly. With a bit of luck, and a lot of booze, I might even get to shag her."

Billy told them that if he was lucky enough to get a shag, he would tell Piers and his friends all of the "details" and buy them the beer. All he wanted to do was to borrow Dudley's dad's car. "I'll bring it back by early morning and be very careful driving it" he informed them looking quite innocent and hopeful.

Even though the boys were only seven years old – and didn't know exactly what sex (and girls) was they wanted to get a head start on how to snog and shag, get more porno mags and that beer. Since Billy had been so good to all of them, it would be rude not to help him. Dudley gave Billy the extra set of car keys and told him that on Friday nights, his dad stayed home and drank a lot after working so hard during the week and usually fell asleep early, dozing in his chair.

"I'll need the car no later than 9:00 p.m., so can you create a disturbance around 8:50 p.m. so I can start the car?"

"The car doesn't make a lot of noise, but I'll have the telly on extra loud and be watching a video of something that makes a lot of racket, so you'll have no problem" Dudley told him. Dudley did exactly that and although he heard the car starting, it was only because he was expecting it. Vernon was dozing in his chair and Petunia was in the kitchen baking her little baby a snack. Dudley looked out the window around 9:10 p.m., saw the car was gone and knew that Billy had taken it and also that he would keep his word to return the car before dawn.

Except he wouldn't. Billy was a total crook and was involved in a car stealing operation working out of London. He and two friends had been terrorizing the area ever since Billy arrived and although they had only succeeded in getting moderately priced cars, they got them quickly, didn't get caught and Billy's friends drove them immediately to London for dismantling at a chop shop. However, when Billy saw Vernon's car, he knew that he could make a killing with that car, especially since he had the keys and Vernon was stupid enough to keep the registration in the glove compartment. He picked up the car and headed directly to London.

Dudley didn't think about going into the house to watch the Freak get beaten for stealing the car. He got beaten and punished for everything even when it rained on a weekend. Something must have happened to the car, perhaps Billy had an accident. He was Piers' cousin and thus a good bloke. He never noticed or cared that the front door was open and for once the neighbors could truly hear everything that was happening in the Dursley house.

Mr. and Mrs. No. 5 as well as Mr. and Mrs. No. 8 carefully snuck up to No. 4 and had a peak in the living room while Mr. No. 1 snuck around to the back to look into the kitchen. By now, Vernon had stopped choking Harry but was now banging the poor child's head against the door jamb of the kitchen. "Where's my car you damn Freak? Why did you steal it and what did you do with it?" Vernon screamed out still banging the boy's head with one hand while punching him in the stomach with the other. Petunia's only comment was to warn Vernon not to get the Freak's blood on the dining room carpet as "It took me days to get his blood out the last time."

Neither Dursley noticed the two couples standing in the living room and hearing everything the Dursleys said and witnessing what Vernon was doing. It was decided that Mrs. No. 5 would go home and call the police while Mr. No. 5 and Mr. and Mrs. No. 8 went further into the house to confront the Dursleys.

"Leave that child alone" Mr. No. 8 commanded.

"What are you doing here? How dare you invade my home?" Vernon spat out. He dropped Harry, who landed with a hard thud on the floor, and stormed into the living room to threaten his neighbors.

The neighbors tried to explain to Vernon that they had heard the shouting, the screaming and naturally thought someone was in trouble and came in to investigate. Then Mr. No. 8 asked "What are you doing to that child? It looked as if you were trying to kill him?"

Mrs. No. 8 started to go over to help the poor child but was stopped by Petunia who stated "Get out of my house you nosy busybody. That Freak deserves everything he gets because he is, he is a... FREAK."

Vernon again shouted that they were invading his home, had no right to do it and definitely didn't have any right whatsoever to dictate how he handled family matters. But then the disagreement between Petunia and Mrs. No. 8 became louder especially when Petunia began to roughly push her neighbor away from the dining room and kitchen or at least until Mrs. No. 8 began to push her back, trying to get to the injured, burned and bleeding child. She was succeeding until she turned her back on Petunia who promptly grabbed one of the hideous vases she was so fond of (if only because they were expensive) and banged Mrs. No. 8 on the back of her head.

The breaking of the vase and the slight scream of shock and pain the poor woman let out as she tumbled to the floor, turned the attention of the three males toward the noise. They saw two things: Mrs. No. 8 on the floor with blood starting to ooze from her head and a triumphant-looking Petunia holding a broken vase.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOUR BITCH DO TO MY WIFE?" Mr. No. 8 shouted.

"ONLY WHAT YOUR BITCH DESERVED" Vernon countered. He then again ordered the three neighbors out of his house and warned "Don't you dare cross my threshold again as not only will I call the police, I also have a gun and will use it on such filth as…."

Vernon was silenced when Mr. No. 8 punched him in the jaw. Although not used to being struck, Vernon's fat protected him and his anger spurred him on to grab for Mr. No. 8's throat and began squeezing.

Mr. No. 5 went to his neighbor's defense by trying to pull Vernon's meaty hands off his friend's throat and was starting to make an in-road when "hit-em-in-the-back" Petunia conked him with the fireplace poker. Mr. No. 5 didn't fall down but he had let go of Vernon and made a grab for Petunia. Vernon was a bit distracted when this happened but his grasp had loosened and Mr. No. 8, who deliberately hadn't hit Vernon as hard as he could, snapped back and starting fighting the obese man with everything he had. No one knew that Mr. No. 8 had won several championships at University but Vernon now found out as he was being mercilessly pounded by someone who knew what he was doing.

None of those involved had noticed (due to being violent and/or attacked) but two other neighbors, Mr. No. 7 and his son, who was home on leave from his Army Unit, had witnessed the conking of Mr. No. 5 and Vernon's antics so they could act as witnesses and had gone to restrain Mr. No. 8 (before he killed that horror of a neighbor) just as the sounds of sirens were heard coming down the street.

With all the confusion going on, no one had noticed when Mr. No. 1 had snuck in through the back door, checked to see what injuries the boy had and could he be moved, and picked up the unconscious child and made his escape out the back door. Mr. No. 1 had seen too many…outrages, he called them…concerning this household and what went on and why despite some people making official complaints, nothing was ever done about it. Dudley was a terrorizing bully whereas his cousin looked like a refuge from a concentration camp.

Mr. No. 1 took the back way to his home and brought the child into the kitchen and called for his daughter, who was a student nurse, to come and help the poor Potter boy. She determined (as far as she was able) that his head wound wasn't as bad as it looked, but the kid probably had some internal injuries so she cut off his over-sized shirt and both she and her father gasped when they saw the bruises, in various stages of healing, the cuts – made by a knife or some other sharp thing – and evidence of belt buckle injuries.

"I wouldn't be surprised if this poor boy had some internal injuries" the daughter opined. "We'll just have to wait until the police and ambulance show up so he can be given a thorough exam."

The police and two ambulances had arrived and were trying to get control of the situation. As usual, Vernon was screaming LAWSUIT and revenge for his _undeserved injuries_ while Petunia ungracefully sobbed while threatening her own lawsuit against Mr. No. 5 (he of the bleeding head) for attacking her for no reason whatsoever except for her demanding to get out of the Dursley household because they had invaded their home without any provocation. "Our car was stolen this morning and _I wouldn't be surprised if they had something to do with it_. No doubt they snuck in to see what else they could steal" she miffed out.

One of the policemen had helped up Mrs. No. 8 to shakily stand when the also bleeding from the head woman hear the outright lie and slander Petunia was spouting. As weak as the woman was at the moment, she went for Petunia before the policeman could act, grabbed two hand-fills of hair and pulled with all of her remaining strength while spouting language which, as the young policeman would later report, "Would make the proverbial sailor blush."

Ah yes, it was just another boring day at Privet Drive – until Albus Dumbledore showed up.

Detective Inspector Ralston had been sent by Scotland Yard to investigate the rumors that a current car stealing gang had moved into Surrey. Suffolk, Essex and Kent had been terrorized for the last few months, and just as the gang was on the verge of being caught, they moved on. His partner's wife had gone into labor so Ralston was on his own. He went along with the local police force who were called in for an emergency since the caller had mentioned a car being stolen was the cause. He stayed in the background of the actual riot going on and decided to go to a house and ask the resident what he knew about car thefts in the neighborhood.

Apparently, Fate or perhaps Lady Magic, decided to finally intervene, as Ralston knocked on No. 1 Privet Drive. The door opened and he flashed his badge but before he could identify himself, he was grabbed and brought into the house.

"You are not from around here, are you? Scotland Yard?" a man, apparently the owner of the house asked. However, before Ralston could reply, the man stated "Some strange things have been going on for years, reports are filed with the local police, affidavits are taken and then NOTHING! The Potter kid gets blame for everything his fat cousin does even when witnesses swear to the contrary."

The man babbled on but Ralston tuned him out. He said Potter! Ralston knew exactly who Harry Potter was. Ralston was a Muggleborn who, despite his excellent grades, could not find decent employment in Magical Britain but had been wise enough to keep up with his Muggle studies (not the Hogwarts version), had gone to University and was eagerly sought out by the Muggle government for his _unique talents_.

A young woman came out from what was probably a kitchen and asked Ralston if he could use his influence to evacuate a very injured child to a London hospital because "They never let the boy get medical care and…."

But Ralston was already heading to the kitchen and when he saw a child in over-sized rags, covered in scars, bruises, cuts, etc., he found it hard to believe that this tortured kid was Harry Potter. However, lifting his bangs Ralston saw the infamous scar.

"Who did this to him?" he demanded.

"His miserable excuse for relatives" the owner replied.

Before anything else could be asked or said, Ralston's sharp senses heard a very disturbing noise. Looking out of the living room window he saw THE Albus Dumbledore, Leader of the Light, Chief Warlock, etc., casually walking down the street, stunning people and then obliviating them.

"Mr. –what's your name?" Ralston asked.

"Hawkins and this is my daughter Katie – she's studying nursing – and…."

"Mr. Hawkins, I need to save this boy and I'm afraid I'll have to take you two with us. Is that acceptable?"

The Hawkins replied yes and followed Ralston back to the kitchen. They saw him take out a highly polished, ornate stick(?), grabbed a dish towel, wave the stick over it, and carefully picked up the boy and told the Hawkins to grab the towel and hold on tight. As soon as they did, all four of them disappeared, while Albus Dumbledore continued on his extremely illegal task.

Chief Superintendent Woodman sat at his desk working on an endless amount of paperwork. He was currently reading an extremely boring report on an investigation of bootleg cigarettes, wishing someone would rescue him when that old clique of "Be careful what you wish for" came true.

One of the best of the "special talented" police just popped into his office, holding a child and accompanied by what had to be two Muggles as not only did they look surprised but the girl screamed and the man started asking questions about what happened.

Ralston didn't bat an eye as he stunned both Muggles (but kept them standing) and quickly informed his supervisor "This child is Harry Potter, he has been severely injured and I just saw Dumbledore calmly walking down the street stunning and then _obliviating_ the neighborhood. I need to contact Amelia Bones and have an investigation started – without anyone, especially Dumbledore – finding out."

"Is this _top secret and report only to the PM and the Queen_?" Woodman asked.

Ralston nodded and asked for the child to have a medical exam in _both worlds_ and that the Muggles be treated with respect as they had been trying to save the boy. "There were police and ambulances there, but one of the ambulances had already left when Dumbles showed up. Unless he asked if anyone had been taken to the hospital, I doubt he knows and thinks that the obliviations will be all that is needed to smooth things over. Amelia Bones should also check the neighbors to see if they have been obliviated before. If nothing else, besides the child's condition and from what these good Muggles have told me, the boy is abused and given work not given to a child of his age for him to do. At least we can get Dumbles for illegal obliviations."

Woodman agreed and gave immediate orders to have the persons in the first ambulance "rescued" and taken to a safe house until they could be questioned. Everything would be done in secret and the phone records of the neighbors would be checked to see if other calls to the police had been made. Ralston took Harry and the Muggles to the head physician of "Special Investigations" who was a Muggleborn who wasn't allowed to study to be a healer so left and got a degree from Oxford. He was qualified to do the examinations of both worlds and would have a report within a few hours.

Meanwhile, Ralston had taken the Hawkins to one of the "special" interrogation rooms and another Muggleborn policeman, Mike Rowe, was to help, made Muggle and Magical recordings and witness the remarks of the Hawkins. Ralston explained things in great detail to the Hawkins but warning them that they and the neighbors in the first ambulance would not be able to remember anything about the Magicals after their testimony was given.

They were in the interrogation room for about 20-30 minutes when Dr. Housemann barged into the room in a state of great agitation. "I want those…Dursleys…immediately arrested and brought to the depths of the Special Investigations Department and interrogated with Veritaserum and Amelia Bones to do a thorough investigation of Dumbledore and for Apollo Gustave, the Head Healer from St. Mungo's as well as the Head of Child Services Coralee Barclay, Unspeakable Wharton and some person with enough political clout to _handle _Dumbledore" he shouted, obliviously highly distressed.

"Have you finished the report already?" Ralston asked.

"No, I've only did a magical printout of the boy's health – or rather lack of it. Here, look this over and tell me what you think."

Rowe joined Ralston in reading the very long piece of parchment and only halfway down, Ralston yelled "I'll start with Amelia and tell her to get those people you wanted and to keep everything top secret. You do a Muggle exam while waiting for them to assemble here but only do the basic healing to save the boy's life as I want Apollo Gustave to do a scan of his own."

After Ralston gave the orders for contacting the proper authorities, Mr. Hawkins asked "How bad is it?" only to be handed the parchment so that he and his daughter could see what was wrong with the boy after he briefly explained it.

The Hawkins looked it over and gasps of disbelief could be heard from both of them. "How is the kid even alive with this list of…outrages?" Mr. Hawkins asked. His daughter needed clarification of some things such as did this scan include all things…non-magical.

"How come there is no mention of vaccinations – a child has to have them before he/she goes to school. It emphasizes his dreadful vision and having the wrong prescription, but doesn't show who examined his eyes and when it was done, nor does it mention any medical care for any of the injuries he suffered?"

Ralston shrugged before saying "He probably didn't get the vaccinations as they could have copied the other child's form, whited-out his name, put Harry's on it and then xeroxed it on a good copier. As you can see from the scan, many bones weren't healed except by his magic, which also probably saved his life as he has severe malnutrition and anemia. Like you, I wonder how he is alive but I wager he is draining his magic to save himself."

The Hawkins, Ralston and Rowe were very upset, but the two policemen were too professional to show it. The Dursleys were inhuman fiends but Ralston and Rowe blamed Dumbledore. Hopefully, he wouldn't weasel his way out of a just punishment.

Amelia Bones was having the second worse day of her life, the first one being the loss of her siblings and their families. She had been ordered by the Special Investigations section of Scotland Yard, a very high-up Muggleborn in Parliament and the PM to do a special, secret investigation concerning Harry Potter and his Muggle relatives and, although she wasn't truly surprised that Dumbledore's name came up but she was amazed that VIPs in the Muggle World were demanding her cooperation. Apparently the old coot had finally gone too far with his mysterious Greater Good and was being called on it.

She started by arresting the Dursleys and placing them in a very secure house that only she and three other trusted people knew about. She had her most trusted Aurors and two neutral Unspeakables do an inspection of the Dursley property as well as doing a survey of the neighbors. None of them remembered anything about the fight, the police or the ambulances and just before the Aurors obliviated them of their presence, a scan was done on them. To their shock, not only had every neighbor been obliviated many times but there were spells cast on them to ignore anything detrimental concerning the Dursleys and Harry believe whatever they said about the Potter boy, no matter how outrageous it was or even if they witnessed the abuse with their own eyes.

The Unspeakables went through the house with a fine-tooth comb and despite living through the first Voldemortic war, were horrified what they found in that house and the grounds. The cupboard under the stairs shocked them the most, but the rest of the house was no better. Using very sophisticated magic, they were able to find old blood stains which had been cleaned up as well as Vernon Dursley's secret file cabinet hidden in the garage, with three locks on it and covered with a tarp. Vernon kept meticulous records of his ill-gotten gains, including the monthly amount of money they received for the _special care_ of Harry Potter. Naturally these records excluded any report to the Inland Revenue, so if nothing else, the tax man could nab Vernon.

The famous blood wards (which were illegal in Britain but Dumbles was allowed a special dispensation (which he granted to himself) to establish them to keep Harry Potter safe. There were blood wards alright, but they were based on Harry's blood with just a dash of Petunia's (for spell purposes) and they did many things other than protecting Harry from Death Eaters. They were based on his magic and between the abusive treatment by the Dursleys, his injuries, lack of proper food and rest, they served mainly to put a drain on his magic.

A child, but especially a magical child, needs proper food, rest and care to prosper and grow up healthy. Due to his starvation, malnutrition and injuries, his magic had to work very hard to keep him alive and thus its growth was stunted. They needed to examine the boy to be absolutely certain and to write up their reports, but from the wards and the treatment they had so far discovered, there was every possibility that he would never attain his true magical potential and always have problems with his health due to the ill-treatment he received.

As soon as possible, the Unspeakables left to meet with Head Healer Gustave, Dr./Healer Housemann and the policeman assigned to the case and the Muggles who had saved the boy. They arrived to witness the magna temper tantrum of Head Healer Gustave who had just finished reading the exam scan.

By the end of the day, photographs had been taken of the poor child's bodily injuries and scars, he was given emergency treatment by the two healers and a diet regimen was planned as well as some rehabilitation once he was healed of most of his injuries. "Who knows what type of mental and emotional damage he's suffered" Healer Gustave opined.

"He has no idea that he is a wizard – he just thinks he is a worthless freak – so he will need some training in tradition and his proper place in our world" Dr. Housemann added.

"Our biggest problem at the moment" said Amelia Bones who had just walked in "Is Albus Dumbledore. I had a trustworthy person do some research and apparently, both James and Lily left a Will, but it was only read by Dumbledore who promptly sealed them both before announcing that he had been made Harry's magical guardian. Therefore, no one can raise an objection, like some people who _knew they had been listed as guardians_, whose request for the Will to be read was ignored by Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, Albus Dumbledore."

"It would be strange that none of the potential guardians were granted custody – are they still alive?" Ralston asked.

"James Potter actually asked, or rather informed, people that they were on the list of potential guardians as since there was a war going on, chances were that a guardian or two wouldn't survive, so anyone with an ounce of sense named several potential candidates. James, as an only child and the last of his line had to appoint trustworthy people to care for his child. You also had to take an oath to protect him, give the boy a good home, see that he received an education as befitted his status before he went to Hogwarts, and several other things."

"Okay, but did any survive" Rowe asked.

Amelia sighed heavily before saying "You are looking at one of them. I would share the guardianship with Moody, but have physical custody and be responsible for giving him a proper home. I knew the Longbottoms were on the list - but we know what happened to them – as well as _Sirius Black_" she spat out "With Marlene McKinnon, Minerva McGonagall, Filius Flitwick, Pomona Sprout and others. However, I seem to recall that Lily's relatives were definitely not to have custody as they hated magic."

Head Healer Gustave decided to put his two Knuts in and said "There is no way in Hades that the boy will be going back to his relatives and I DON'T CARE WHAT DUMBLEDAMNIT SAYS, WANTS OR DEMANDS HE IS NOT GOING TO KEEP THE GUARDIANSHIP OF THE BOY!

The others looked hopeful but they knew their Dumbledore all too well and knew exactly what he was capable of doing.

At that moment, Albus Dumbledore was sitting on his throne-like chair in his office enjoying his elevenses. He had had a very busy morning, once again taking care and correcting yet another Dursley mistake. Giving punishment on a Saturday morning for whatever "sin" the boy had committed when most of the Muggles were home was bad enough but now, Albus had a hard decision to make.

The punishment had been witnessed by several neighbors, the police and an ambulance were called and, as usual, once things had been taken care of and the Dursleys were released into their house by Dumbledore, Vernon and Petunia once again demanded an increase in the stipend they received from Dumbledore to "raise the boy according to Dumbledore's plan."

"You once again endanger the boy's life, many more neighbors than usual witnessed it, called the police and ambulance and I had to do more _'fixing'_ than I usually do. I only hope that I didn't miss any witnesses. As for a monetary increase, consider the extra work I did to get you out of the trouble you created a temporary bonus and count yourselves fortunate that the boy…where is the boy?" Dumbledore asked.

Neither Petunia nor Vernon knew (or cared) but since she just wanted for the old Freak to get out and leave them alone, she announced "He's in his cupboard sleeping, like the lazy, worthless lump he is." Because he was disgusted with the Dursleys for _getting caught_ and thus ruining his Saturday morning, he didn't bother checking.

Albus had to decide if he should spell the Dursleys to be "nicer" to the boy by feeding him a bit more and no physical punishment would be given. His cousin would still be allowed to "Harry Hunt" with his gang and keep the boy from having any friends or doing well in school. His second option was to blackmail the Dursleys as he knew that Vernon never reported the stipend, padded his Grunnings expense account and had a gambling problem which Petunia didn't know about and a few other "naughty" things.

Third, he could also threaten Dudley. If Vernon didn't ease up on the physical abuse, he would be spelled. For every BAD INJURY Harry received, Dudley would feel the same pain, have the bruises, cuts and broken bones and IF THE WORSE happened and Harry lost an appendage, one (or more) of his senses, died or was totally incapacitated (such as an irreparable brain injury), the same would happen to Dudley. The latter seemed the best option as for some strange reason, the Dursleys loved their obnoxious son and didn't want him to be hurt or endure the kind of pain Harry did. He would only have to cast the one spell which would save time and trouble.

What old Dumbles didn't know was that Harry Potter was in a safe place and not trackable by even Dumbledore's instruments, thanks to the experts Amelia Bones brought with her.

Dumbledore also didn't know that there had been a first ambulance that had taken away some very prominent witnesses for treatment and at that moment were being taken into protective custody by Scotland Yard. All and all, the Yard and the DMLE led by Amelia Bones had smuggled Harry and some crucial witnesses out from Dumbledore's big nose – and he wouldn't find out until it was too to _'fix the problem' _like he usually did.

But at the moment, the wily old coot was enjoying his tea and an assortment of biscuits and looking forward to his lunch. Again, he was unaware that once he left, some of the "specialists" of Scotland Yard had snuck in the Dursley home and quietly (because they were stunned before they could utter a sound) arrested and were taken into another form of protective custody for questioning. Once the house was secured, the curtains and/or shades closed, some very strong silencing charms cast and the Dursleys were gone, a very thorough investigation of the house – including the famous protective wards – was done by an Unspeakable, who would be writing a very in-depth report, extremely critical of Dumbledore.

Thus, due to the fast and efficient work of the DMLE and the Yard, by dinner time, little Harry Potter was safely hidden from all but a few need-to-know people in both worlds, being treated for his physical problems, the _"magical problems"_ he had (mostly due to Dumbles' interference in the child's life), special tests for various things and on his way to – not perfect health because of some of the damage already done and the emotional problems he undoubtedly had – but hopefully he would be cured of most of the damage by the time he was ready to attend Hogwarts.

For a few peaceful weeks, Albus Dumbledore had no worries concerning Harry Potter. If the truth be known, he hadn't even thought about the boy or the Dursleys and probably wouldn't until the next time the kid was injured. Then he would handle another Dursley problem.

It was again on a beautiful Saturday morning as Dumbledore was having a leisurely breakfast in the great hall that many of his plans went up in smoke. He heard a gasp from Minerva McGonagall, followed by one from Pomona Sprout, both of whom were reading the _Daily Prophet_. The next thing he knew Minerva had rolled up the paper and started whacking him, rather hard.

"I TOLD YOU THEY WERE THE WORSE SORT OF MUGGLES" she yelled, unrolling the paper and showing him the front page which had the headline of"

_Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived_

_Severely abused by his Muggle relatives._

_A new magical guardian has been appointed_

_And the unfortunate boy is now living in _

_A more acceptable and proper home_

Although it didn't name either the old or the new guardian, it completely ruined his Saturday and no doubt his grand plans for the boy and the Greater Good. He completely ignored the tirade of McGonagall and Sprout, called for Fawkes and within moments flashed into the office of Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic – who apparently didn't work on Saturdays unless there was a crisis. Fudge knew this was a full-blown crisis and that Dumbledore would be descending on him, hence requesting the _Prophet_ not to print the story until Saturday. He had left on Friday afternoon for a short holiday in France where he hoped Dumbles wouldn't find him or his wife.

Apparently they were many people who didn't work on weekends, except Aurors and Unspeakables, but for some strange reason, he couldn't find anyone to answer his questions. So Fawkes flashed him outside of Gringotts (Fawkes wasn't allowed in the bank) and Albus entered and demanded to see the Goblin in charge of Harry's accounts.

Albus was told that he couldn't talk to the Goblin in charge as he wasn't the magical guardian of the Boy-Who-Lived and never really had been. A "disagreement" broke out with Dumbledore demanding to talk with Ragnok, the Head of Gringotts Britain in his capacity as Headmaster of Hogwarts, Head of the Wizengamot and the International Confederation of Wizards and then started listening to Albus mentioning his great accomplishments until the Goblin ran off to find Ragnok.

Now Ragnok had been expecting Dumbledore, but much sooner than today. He had a rune, similar to a Muggle recorder, set up to copy the confrontation that was going to take place for his own enjoyment and the amusement of several other entities. Just to be safe, two Goblin warriors were stationed in Ragnok's office to watch Dumbledore because who knew what he was capable of doing despite being in Gringotts.

Dumbledore entered the office using his grandfatherly persona and sat down on a chair without being asked to. After all, he was Albus Dumbledore. He showed Ragnok a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ and lamented that there was no one in charge at the Ministry, so he immediately thought of Gringotts as "It is well-known you know more and are much more efficient than the Ministry."

Ragnok let the wizard stew for a bit before informing him that "You have never legally been Harry Potter's guardian, you just declared yourself after reading and sealing James Potter's Will, using your favorite saying that it was for the Greater Good and what James had wanted. Then you placed the child with his abusive Muggle relatives where he has been severely abused physically, mentally and emotionally and…."

"Damn! Somehow Harry's treatment has been discovered" Dumbledore thought. Thinking fast, he interrupted the Goblin, placed a shocked and horrified look on his face and with his usual spiel replied "I am certain a mistake has been made. The boy has been placed with his _only living relatives_ and I assure you that they are a considerate, loving…."

"You were caught obliviating the neighbors on Privet Drive" Ragnok causally mentioned looking as innocent as a Goblin could, meaning his glare wasn't as evil-looking as it usually was, before continuing "However, you missed a few people, two of which went in the _first ambulance_ to arrive and neighbors who had rescued the child, took him into their home and contacted a policeman who happened to be a Muggleborn."

Ragnok happily watched Dumbledore pale considerably before adding "The poor child was in a terrible condition and, considering who he is, was given a thorough medical exam in both the Muggle and Magical worlds. Then the Dursleys were arrested – just for questioning – given Veritaserum and they sang like a vulture. Also, just so you know, the neighbors were checked and several obliviations were found on them."

For once the Greatest Wizard since Merlin was at a loss for words. Ragnok waited an entire moment before saying "You are in a lot of trouble old man and once you entered my office, Amelia Bones and her Aurors were summoned and are waiting for you as we speak."

Dumbledore finally found his tongue and asked rather politely "Is there a way out of the bank where I would not be seen?"

"Why yes there is. However, you can't use it as the LAW is waiting for you to have a chat."

Therefore, about five minutes later the people in Diagon Alley were treated to a rare sight: A silent (so he couldn't summon Fawkes to make his escape) Albus Dumbledore wearing magical suppression cuffs and being escorted by Amelia Bones and six Aurors until they were clear of Gringotts and able to take a portkey to no one knew where, but guesses could be made as to the destination. It all happened so fast that not even the _Prophet_ reporter who patrolled the Alley looking for news could be summoned. So the greatest news event since the defeat of Voldemort had to spread by word of mouth for the moment.

Since the Goblins refused admittance to the news media, the Ministry of Magic was bombarded with not only the news media but _concerned citizens_.

Poor Dumbles, he was administered Veritaserum and grilled unmercifully until all questions asked had been answered – truthfully and in great detail, something which Dumbledore had always avoided until now. Even the Greatest Wizard since Merlin couldn't fight Veritaserum and although he successfully avoided mentioning the Horcrux in Harry's head, he eventually was forced to tell the prophecy – but only to those who would swear an oath not to reveal it.

When the proverbial smoke cleared, Dumbles was in deep trouble. He was removed from his positions in the Wizengamot and ICW as well as all the Boards of Directors of which he was a member. Since he had earned his Order of Merlin First-Class, he still retained a seat on the Wizengamot but was forbidden to vote with any of the other votes he "handled for widows and orphans" and others.

The only thing that remained of his once great power was being Headmaster at Hogwarts. He had to wait for two entire months for the final verdict to come in. Fortunately for him, his many followers, who still believed he was innocent of any charges, campaigned for him and he squeaked by with only two votes.

Since Harry had to come to Hogwarts, Dumbledore still had the opportunity to "guide the boy to fulfill his destiny" and the Weasleys would befriend him and keep the boy from straying from _the Path of the Light _and making friends and/or acquaintances in the other Houses. He didn't know it yet but none of that would happen for two reasons: (1) He now had a chance for a safe, happy childhood, to make friends in primary school and have better social skills and (2) he wouldn't be sorted into Gryffindor. But that was all in the future so Dumbles re-planned his schemes.

There was one thing that Dumbledore would not be told nor would other "interested parties concerning for Harry's upbringing" and the Minister of Magic would not find out until Harry arrived at Hogwarts. Where was Harry Potter now living and who were his guardian(s)?

The few people who knew were sworn to secrecy and thus the only ones who knew Harry's whereabouts couldn't be forced to tell anyone. The only answer to peoples' inquiries was "The Goblin gave Harry a very thorough heritage test. Much to everyone's surprise, Lily Evans had a few relatives other than Petunia – and they were magical! Thus, the boy was placed with one of them who had always wanted more children, and he would grow up as he should have – in a loving family, happy, healthy and with the chance to excel in everything he tried.

It would be a very different Boy-Who-Lived he came to Hogwarts, but a much better boy. 


End file.
